What's the deal with Dora?

Over the past 6 months, my 2-yr. old daughter has become completely enamored with Dora the Explorer. As a parent, I'm entirely supportive of educational television, of which I truly believe Dora does subscribe. I mean she's learning new words, in Spanish no less, among lessons in sharing, kindness, helping others…even being a new sister to our 6-week old son (courtesy of the latest DVD release, "Big Sister Dora"). However, as a human being, I naturally feel the instinct to remove Dora from the innocent cartoon nirvana in which she currently resides and toss her directly into a real world perspective. In doing so, I've come to the conclusion that "reality" Dora may just not be the role model I want for my daughter at such an impressionable age. Let me break down my analysis for you:

Let's start with the fact that this kid doesn't have any friends other than a silly simian who goes by the name of Boots (a direct correlation to the large red boots he dons for his adventures with our girl “D”). My first instinct is to lash out at the parents for their failure to recognize that their daughter's sole source of companionship is a monkey in human's clothing. Does anyone else think a play date might benefit this poor little girl? Maybe a few Gymboree classes at the very least? No offense to monkeys, even talking ones, but the kid's gotta acclimate herself to other humans at some point if she ever expects to function in society. A few episodes later, however, I come to terms with the fact that parents can't choose their children's friends, but only encourage them to run with the right crowd and cross their fingers that their kids happen to actually be listening during that particular lecture.

Fair enough. So we can't lay the blame of “choosing the wrong friends" on Mami and Papi. But, we certainly can fault them for the fact that this poor child NEVER changes clothes, The kid's always running around in the same top and shorts, bracelet wrapped around her wrist and backpack securely attached to her shoulders. And a talking backpack at that, who always seems to have the resources Dora needs at any given time. You would think old backpack might include a pair of jeans and a sweater, so the poor kid could do a load of laundry or something, Now, I'm not trying to lecture, but Child Services would have a field day with this sort of thing on this little plane I live on called Earth. But, apparently animated Mexico doesn't have a problem with such accolades.

This little "fashion" scenario is only compounded by the fact that the kid tours the entire continent without a trace of adult supervision. And, we're not just talking Cancun or Playa del Carmen. This kid's been up and down mountains, through jungles, across the sea, to Fairytale Land, and even up to the North Pole. I don't know about you other parents out there, but I would have a hard time letting my kids run to the corner 7-Eleven without an agenda, a number I can reach them at and an idea of exactly when they're going to be home.

Let's recap, shall we? No human friends, one set of clothes and a curfew that rivals that of teenage prostitutes, And, that's just scratching the surface of our little adventurer. As we journey deeper into her psyche we discover a single, common theme across all episodes…this gal has an undying need to be the sole source of help for everyone who's path she crosses. Now, maybe it's just me, but a 7-yr. old kid who always has the best interest of others? I don't think such a thing exists, even on Noggin. This kid spends more time helping others than the Make-A-Wish foundation. Somebody needs to introduce her to Barbie, Bratz or American Girl before she has a nervous breakdown prior to even scratching the surface of puberty.

Finally, is there anyone out there who knows an adolescent who's always happy? Now, my two kids are still relatively young, but I do have cousins, even friends and colleagues, with older kids, and I can attest to the fact that 7-yr. old kids are not happy kids. Moody, confused, frustrated, curious, challenging …maybe. But, happy? I don't think the word's even in their vocabulary at this point. Perhaps I'm looking at it a little differently than all of those other parents currently held hostage by Dora, but does anyone else keep waiting for this kid to lose it in one of these episodes. I mean, too much happiness can be devastating to a 7-year old, can't it? I'm thinking a tantrum here and there, talking back, fighting…something. The jovial level of this kid's personality is way beyond normal and, in my mind, she's headed for a hefty fall somewhere along the way. I can't help but feeling that Swiper is going to pay big time one of these days.

Now listen, I could probably go on forever, paragraph after paragraph, listing the shortcomings of Dora as she exists today. You know, break down her childhood, possibly reveal that she's lacking a true role model, or delve into the secrets that she really hides inside her backpack, But, honestly, what's the point? My daughter, like millions of other little girls out there, has been hooked and reeled in by this Dora enchantment, and I'm just along for the ride; and the occasional funding of a new video or toy, for that matter. But, who cares, right? In a few years, Dora will be replaced by Barbie, and I'll be posting a new entry here in support of anti-barbieism. Claiming that the anti-christ has assumed the form of a 12" female with all-too-real anatomy and ridiculously good looks.

For now, that smile on my daughter's face when the Dora theme chimes into our TV is enough to convince me that the cartoon world and the real world were never meant to co-exist. One represents everything that we wish upon our children, while the other…well, I guess the other represents those things that we should expect in today's day and age. For me, I think I would be okay with my daughter choosing a path somewhere inbetween the two. Close enough to reality for her to become the women she wants to be, but, never too far from that imaginary world where she'll always be two, innocent and daddy's still the apple of her eye.