The grass is always greener in the neighbor's yard

Ah, summer. A rainbow of blooming flowers, the warm sun on your face, the scent of delicious barbecue filling the evening air, and, of course, the continuous task of trying to keep your grass from baking brown in between the all-too-rare rainfalls. Yes, it's that time of year again. And, over in Shelby Township, MI, the challenge is compounded by the fact that only inches below the surface of sod and dirt lies enough sand to make Miami Beach look like a child's sandbox. Yes, in dear old Shelby, one watering a day is not nearly enough. Nope. Because one watering lasts only a few short hours into the day until, once again, the ground returns to its hay-like texture under the penetrating rays of the sun. Now, if I was in the business of providing feed for horses, I'd let this issue go without another thought. But, unfortunately, I'm not in that business. And so the dilemma begins…

Is a precious green lawn really worth the price one pays, both monetarily and mentally, to get it to, and keep it at, such a state of landscape nirvana? Now, let's think about this rationally. What is the primary reason one makes the effort (and also eats the cost) to ensure his lawn basks in lush green color, as opposed to the awful spectrum of brown and yellow? Is it personal satisfaction? Probably not. Is it for the lawn's own health? Doubt it. Is it because we want our family to have the luxury of prancing on soft blades of forest green fluffiness. I really don't think so. So what is it then? Simple. It's plain, old social acceptance at its finest. Don't believe me? Look down your own street and carefully scan the lawns of each residence. Most are decent, some exceptional, but when you come across that one house featuring the dreaded crop circles of dead growth, what happens? You know the one I'm talking about. The house in which you immediately find your thoughts wandering somewhere in the direction of “Oh, my. Who lives there? Don't they realize how awful that makes their yard look?” or something similar in rash judgmentent. Fact is, no one wants to be that house. Well, no one except the neighborhood retiree living alone, void of any visits from his children and their families because they would rather spend their time at Disney World or the time share in Fort Myers than hang out with some old guy in the dead heat of a Michigan summer, and, therefore, who just doesn't give a crap about the way his lawn looks like anymore. Oh, come on, every block has one. But, you see, that guy has an alibi for neglecting the upkeep. The rest of us, we don't have that luxury, Nope, we can either choose to spend our children's college tuition in the form of good old H2O for the lawn or face the ridicule of our nosy neighbors. For myself, this presents a lot of unwelcomed peer pressure, not to mention some wacky antics at the Counsell homestead. For example, just this past weekend, we put our daughter's flailing arm Octopus sprinkler out in the backyard for her to run through. In setting it up, I made a conscious effort to strategically place the unit in an area of lawn that was severely lacking in green. Then, as if that wasn't pushing the obsessive envelope enough, when my daughter decided she didn't like the unpredictable spray pattern of our eight-armed friend and abandoned any idea of getting within 10 feet of him, I elected to let the big guy continue raining down as he performed remarkably better than any oscillating sprinkler I've ever owned.

So, again, I ask the question: Is a precious green lawn really worth the price one pays, both monetarily and mentally, to get it to, and keep it at, such a state of landscape nirvana? In my eyes, absolutely not. I mean, I could care less if my lawn is bright green or just dull green, especially if it means saving some of my paycheck for more important things like my family and upgrades to other, more permanent, parts of my home. But, unfortunately, in today's society, we are more often than not forced to look at it from our neighbor's eyes instead or our own. Because the truth, whether we want to believe it or not, is that we need their acceptance in order to feel as if we belong to the community in which we live. Being the outcast, though independent, is not very comforting, particularly when you're constantly under the scrutiny of the same people you face every time you step out the door of your house

So, it is early June now, and I figure the summer will rage on full force for another 3 months. On the bright side, that's just 12 more weeks, 90 more days, 2,160 more hours and 129,600 more seconds of coping with the “should I/shouldn't I” watering dilemma…once a morning and once a night. And, you know, when I break it down like that, it doesn't seem so bad. But, then again, I haven't gotten my first water bill yet. Oh, well, the kids didn't need to eat anyway, right?