In defense of the offensive

ESPN's website, and, for that matter, practically every other site that carries a standard sports section, is posting a story today about the San Francisco 49ers and their very recent fallout (like, yesterday) with the city, and other community leaders, due to a proprietary team training video. Apparently the video was created to help prepare players deal with the media. Unfortunately, this lesson seems to have gotten lost amidst the racial jokes, topless women and gay/lesbian references that adorn the tape's footage. Yeah, I can turn on CNN and hear about all that crap any time during the day, but it appears any other form of media featuring such content is an outrage to society. I guess the tape even features a skit involving the team's PR director, Kirk Reynolds, poking fun at the Mayor (Gavin Newsom) via impersonation. Come on, Gav, isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

I don't mean to make light of such a “serious” issue, and I am by no means condoning such behavior. But, come on, people, it's a freakin' video with some off-color material. It's not like, uh, say, just hypothetically, someone shot a couple frames of our military soldiers senselessly beating Iraqi prisoners. Now that should get some attention. But, this? This is just one stupid mistake by a guy who thought he was using the right tools to teach his players a valuable lesson. Look, I'm a corporate trainer myself, and I truly understand the complexities of trying to find the right mix of training tools to reach everyone in your audience, as we all learn differently. Kirk Reynold's audience, in this case, was a 50+ group of men, ages 21-40, jacked up with adrenaline and dripping with testosterone…gee, who would have thunk that boobs, insults and comedy skits might not be the best way to reach them.

My point here is that we, as a society, have become way, way too extreme in our reaction to the things that we find offending, AND, we can't seem to settle on a universal list of the subjects that are offensive, AND when they are offensive to us. It seems to change by the second. Are racial jokes offensive? Some will tell you, yes. I say it depends on the audience and who's telling the jokes. Chris Rock can stand on a stage in front of thousands, use racial slurs and we think it's funny. But, if it turns up in a training video, all of a sudden it's a travesty. Do topless women offend me? Not one bit. They may make me feel a bit awkward depending on the situation, but offensive, nope. Others may find a pair of exposed breasts entirely offensive. I understand that. I empathize with that. But I don't think the owner of those breasts should pay for her consequences just because half the crowd is screaming “nay” while the other half is chanting “yay”. Is it disrespectful and ignorant to ridicule someone just because of their sexual preference? Absolutely. But, I've witnessed people facing ridicule because of their weight, hair length, clothes and general appearance, but no one seems to have a problem with that (except for the person being ridiculed, I assume). As soon as gender, race and sexual preference are mentioned in such context, the entire world stands still until those instigating the issue are brought to justice.

How many of you have sat in a private room amongst friends and participated in the sharing of an off-colored joke? I'm going to bet the majority have. I have, I can admit it. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Doesn't mean I'm a racist. It just means I enjoy having a few laughs with my friends. Now, let's add another element to the equation. The joke in question refers to an Asian person and one of my friends in the room is Asian. Is the joke still OK? Depends. It depends on a number of things. How is my friend's sense of humor? Is he easily offended by such references? Does he tell jokes about his race? And, so on. But ultimately it depends on how well I know my friend as to whether or not he will be offended by a joke. Unfortunately, all of us do not know each other so well as to determine whether or not content is acceptable at a given time. Which makes it tough on all of us. Perhaps, in such situations, it would be smart to elect silence over risk. For instance, if I were to meet my friend's family for the first time, I highly doubt I would tell the joke that was shared in that room full of friends.

In defense of Kirk Reynolds, he knew his audience, he knew what they were able to tolerate, and he proceeded as he saw necessary. That tape was meant for the San Francisco 49er players. It was never meant for the city, the Mayor, the gay/lesbian community or the media. Had it been, I very much doubt that the content would have been the same. Just like I'm sure that if you and your spouse videotaped your own intimate adventures, you wouldn't be shipping it out to the local news station for the 6:00 headlines. Some may say Kirk Reynolds made a mistake. I say the only mistake here is that the world continues to judge “the other guy” for his actions, rather than accept people for who they are, mostly human, and move on even if you don't agree with that individual's actions. Accepting diversity is really the only path to harmony amongst each other. If you continue to get up in arms about every little thing that someone else does that is not in line with your theory of the way the world should be, the world is going to continue being what it is…rich with ignorance, hate, intolerance and a lack of respect for all living things. And, to me, that's more offensive than any videotape could ever be.