Send in the clones

Over the years, I've heard people high and low utter the infamous words “I wish I had an extra set of hands”, in reference to their efforts in multitasking all the things that adorn their proverbial “plate”. Ironically, these people are usually parents. But, I gotta admit, the thought of possessing four hands is quite intriguing. I could enjoy the luxury of starting dinner with one pair while the second pair conveniently helps assemble my 2-yr. old's wooden puzzle. And, just think how fast you could get through the supermarket during the weekly grocery shopping excursion. Not to mention how interesting sex might be. Still, among other things, I am troubled by the cosmetic consequences, such as where exactly these new limbs would attach without an extra set of arms to hold them. Thus, I think there is an easier, more productive way to combat all the things we as Americans are forced to do as part of our daily rituals…cloning.

Yes, that taboo topic that seems to continue making headlines every day since a lamb named, Dolly was successfully cloned in 1997. And, the controversy that began around that same time is just as strong today, as well. But think about it? How much could you benefit by having another “you” around to help out? Off the top of my head, I can think of some great ways my clone, whom I'll affectionately refer to as Scott, Jr. (personal retribution, since I refused to name my son that) for this blog entry, could make my life a little easier. Here are just a few…

Lawn care. Right now I pay some guy $30 to take a few layers off my front and back lawn each week. To escalate the fact that I'm basically giving away hard-earned cash, he doesn't even edge every week, but rather every other. I'm sure Scott, Jr. could admirably replace said service and it wouldn't cost me a dime in the process. I hope he doesn't mind pulling the weeds while he's at it, either.

Babysitter. My wife and I would love to get out more often, just the two of us. I'm sure I would find ample comfort in leaving the kids withÂ…well, me, basically. Are you going to tell me that a 2-yr. old and 3-month old will be able to tell the difference? Please.

Work. You know those “mental” days we all need to take from time to time? Scott, Jr. could certainly afford me more of them, without my workload missing a beat. I certainly wouldn't have an issue with taking in an afternoon ballgame down at the CoPa or spending some additional time with my family while Scott, Jr. labors away on the laptop in the old office cubicle.

Family commitments. Now don't get me wrong. I love my family. I love my in-laws. I love spending time with all of them (plus, they're all probably going to read this). But, from time-to-time, there are those events for which I just cannot muster up the energy nor the excitement to attend. In these instances, Scott, Jr. could pinch hit for me without Mom, Dad, Sister-in-Law, possibly even my wife (I'm kidding, honey), knowing the wiser. Besides, everyone needs some “me” time now and then. In this case, everyone involved gets some “me” time, if you think about it.

Socializing with Neighbors. I am often sidetracked from my outdoor agenda by neighbors who apparently don't realize that I am out there for a reason. With Scott, Jr. around, I can send him out front as a coversational decoy while I sneak out back to accomplish the mission I set out to achieve.

Jury duty. For those of you who have served, I don't need to write another word. For those of you who haven't, try it, then get back to me. Until then, you wouldn't understand just how much Scott, Jr. would help in this capacity.

I'm sure there are a couple dozen other ways that this whole cloning scenario could do wonders for my busy life, which is why I am all for it. Some say it is immoral. Some say it is dangerous. Some, like our current President, George W. Bush, imply that the world might be worse off in a cloning society. Funny he should take that stance given the fact he's been trying to make everyone like him since he was elected. I say…hogwash. Maybe I'm being a little selfish, as the benefits for me truly outweigh any costs to my direct exposure with society, but so be it. You know, a former boss once told me that he “wished he had a hundred others like me”. Which just goes to prove that I'm not the only one out here who's in full support of having a few more Scott Counsells in the world.